Don’t Mess With Texas

H.L. Mencken* once said, “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”

Nemo linked me to a Texas District Court order, 943 F. Supp. 782, regarding a change of venue. The Defendant (Colonial Penn Insurance Company) moved to have the case moved from the Galveston division to the Houston division, citing Galveston’s lack of a commercial airport. The court was, shall we say, unpersuaded.

The Court certainly does not wish to encumber any litigant with such an onerous burden. The Court, being somewhat familiar with the Northeast, notes that perceptions about travel are different in that part of the country than they are in Texas. A litigant in that part of the country could cross several states in a few hours and might be shocked at having to travel fifty miles to try a case, but in this vast state of Texas, such a travel distance would not be viewed with any surprise or consternation. Defendant should be assured that it is not embarking on a three-week-long trip via covered wagons when it travels to Galveston. Rather, Defendant will be pleased to discover that the highway is paved and lighted all the way to Galveston, and thanks to the efforts of this Court’s predecessor, Judge Roy Bean, the trip should be free of rustlers, hooligans, or vicious varmints of unsavory kind. Moreover, the speed limit was recently increased to seventy miles per hour on most of the road leading to Galveston, so Defendant should be able to hurtle to justice at lightning speed.

The rest of the order continues in that vein and is quite entertaining. If I were grading it, I’d give it an ‘A’ for the humor value alone.

In other news, my exams for the Summer semester have been completed and I still have one week of freedom before the Fall semester begins.

Yours truly,
Mr. X

…enjoying a brief respite…

*- A genius.

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